Learning new things… is scary…

Hey everyone again, I just need to write some of these things down to try to get some of the stress off my chest… Ok here it goes… (and you probably know what the topic is going to be about..)

So, about a week or 2 ago, my friend from college got hired at a Studio. Naturally, it felt bitter sweet, because I was happy for him and at the same time, I felt like crap because I personally didn’t get anything. He applied to a position where he had to do compositing and this other one that’s called a “Stereo artist”. Of course, we both graduated from the same school with animation, and being a stereo artist and compositor isn’t exactly animation. Though its more like under the same umbrella and stuff, but it’s still way different from animation.

He told me about the job posting before he got hired and said I should try it out. I was hesitant because I was afraid. I was scared to try new things, don’t get wrong I like to try new things…to a certain extent. I was afraid to learn a whole new line of work; I tried reading up on what a stereo artist does…and honestly, I tried, but I really couldn’t understand it. I’m a visual learner, I need someone to literally show me step by step what it actually means. The only plus side to it all is that it’s in a city that’s not too far from where I live. And not only that, since my friend got hired, I was thinking I have someone I know in that city and could possibly house together.

Ok ,so a week ago, I applied and just yesterday…..they called me back. 😮 Yeah, they called me, and I was in total shock. At first, to be really honest, I was so happy. I literally thought that morning, “Hm,…I wonder if I got that job?” and there you have it, they called me that afternoon. But then the anxiety started to set in, and I was like..” am I really going through with this?” and “I have to call them back…crap..” And of course, being the person blessed with social anxiety…I didn’t call them back. -__-

So here I am, typing this the next day, I’ve been thinking about it all morning and night, even losing sleep over something so stupid. I just don’t know if I should go with it. I trained for 3 years to be an animator, and I like animating (I should do more animating though, may i add) … but this stereo artist stuff, is not in my field..literally.

And You’re probably asking, “then why on earth did you even bother applying?” Well, because I felt intimidated that my friend got something and I didn’t. This was my fear, when I was back in college. I had thoughts like, “wow, after all this, I have to find work…” “how can I work when I’m so scared all the time?” and that fear came true…6 months now, since I graduated, I haven’t worked.
I applied to retail and only 2 has called me back, and because I was also looking for a full time in animation they decided not to hire me. As for animation, 2 placed called me, the one in Vancouver and now…the one from yesterday.

Another thing to is that, my friend said they give you a 2 day tutorial, and then a test afterwards, so I don’t know if they actually teach you and stuff, but he said he had to do a simple bouncing ball exercise. You`re also thinking, “well thats good, they teach you and everything.. whats the problem?” honestly…the problem is the fact, I don’t really want to learn it. I want to just do animation stuff, and maybe down the road I’ll try something else. I know…stupid stubborn me…:(

Sighs, I’m just so scared I won’t be able to get anything. It embarrassing already that my family members ask me about my job hunt, or seeing old friends asking me what’s up and I tell them, I still don’t have a job. It sucks. 😦 I don’t know anymore. To be honest…I have felt depressed over and over, and sometimes I feel like disappearing. I Just want to forget about it all…

BUt then I think of my mom, which I care so much. >_< uuugh, I don’t even know, I don’t think I will go with that job, I tried to convince myself millions of times, but I just ended up crying and feeling sorry for myself.

Maybe its also because there was another opening at a studio in Ottawa, (which is even farther..) but that was a animation position. A layout artist to be exact,and they don’t require experience at all! Yes it farther, but at least I know what I’m doing.. I’m not doing some project like a chicken with its head cut off. The thing is with that, is that I tried applying to that place yesterday, but gmail sent the email back and said it didn’t go through or something -__- I’m just hoping I would at least get a chance to send it in, please…I rather do that instead of this…. (watch me freak out later about it…)

Anyways..this is longer than I wanted, I just wanted to vent out. I didn’t sleep well last night because of you know what, and worrying about not being able to send my email is bad enough. I hope things do get better…I pray that I’ll be able to get a job that I can handle… >.< Hoping that things will get better….

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