Lost….

Feeling…kinda lost again. As you guys have already or not know, is that I have Social Anxiety. I don’t want to think I have a severe case of it, but I definitely do have it, and it’s not minor I guess.

My normal, typical day would be that I wake up, check my phone (instagram, reply to friends) eat breakfast, draw, eat lunch, work out, play some pokemon lol, dinner, computer time (either watch shows/animes, do animation), get ready to bed..and then try to sleep.

Sounds like a comfortable, nice relaxing day, huh? Well, I thought it was, a couple of months ago, after all that stressful homework during College and all, and now its like a culture shock for me. Actually I’ve been getting used to it, I’m trying to keep myself busy and stuff, but sometimes, there are days when it really just…sucks. Don’t get me wrong, I like…doing stuff on my own. I like to draw, it “entertains” me, if you will, and I love to hang out with family and close friends and stuff, but I mean…I could only do that for so long.

I think, the more everyday seems like, the same old thing..I get worried, tired, scared and just..well depressed because its been the same old thing. Now, I’m a person who doesn’t like “change.” Especially when that change is something I know I can’t handle. For example, getting a part time job. And you know how well I handled that one… -_- I know deep down that I’m supposed to work, because 1, I graduated from College already, and 2, I’m an Adult…in my head, adults are supposed to work, not stay at home and blah blah blah…

Yeah, adults can go back to school if they change their minds about their professions, but psychologically in my head, if I do, I feel like I’m behind my age group, and I’m supposed to be working, you know? Anyways, it all roots down to my anxiety..and my capabilities to go to social places, and try my best to survive out there.

So the more I am at home, the more I feel like the anxiety is beating me. That’s why, I think going out as much as possible is the best thing for me. It makes me think I’m “doing something” and “showing myself to the world…”, and I’m not just stuck at home, doing the same old thing, even though I really enjoy doing all of that.

Sometimes I get these thoughts, I feel lost and hopeless because everyone is moving on, except me. LIke I’m stuck in time, sort to speak. Honestly, getting a job won’t make me happy. It would probably make me even that more stressed and worried. But that thought of having a job, the thought of “doing something” and doing something what Adults are supposed to do, propels me to want a job badly, despite my fear.

Sighs, I also try to think of my goals..but sometimes my lost days are too strong, I end up feeling sorry for myself anyways. Another thing that makes things worse, is that I let random things to dictate my happiness. Every little bad thing that happens, I let it get to me, Big time. I’m trying to stop making myself worry…but its so much easier said than done..

OK, what am I even talking about here? Sorry…this is just some random rants/thoughts..I want to be a better person. I want to be stronger, mentally and physically ( I guess..?) Hoping to a better year, because damn last year was crap. I’m really trying my best to be happy with everything that I have, and to not take things for granted. To appreciate even the smallest bit of happiness in my life. Maybe then, I’ll train my mind to stop worrying..and hopefully won’t be a sad mess.

Anyways, till next time, you guys.

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Shiny Zorua! ^__^

Wow, I just got another Shiny pokemon! 😀 It was a Shiny Zorua! I’m so happy! actually I got him yesterday, but I have some internet now. I named him Rin (Free anyone? If so, I know Rin’s hair is red, and Shiny Zoroark is purple..whatever! The toothy grin is the same 😀 ❤ )

I was doing the Zorua Dexnav chaining, and let me tell you Zorua runs away like there’s no tomorrow. SOmetimes he would just Break my chain of 12..-_- I’m like, Zorua please, you’re cute and all, but why you run away?!?! Anyways, it was funny because, just as I was doing one more last chain, I looked away sighing and thinking “I should just breed this..or give up ugh..” and then…………… I looked over and saw the blue hair! And then the sparkle sound flooded my ears…THERE WAS THE CUTIE POO.

And it was a boy! Well they are mainly boys, but whatever, I was soooo happy! And I remember it had 3 perfect ivs! So yaaay! It’s a rash nature, (I was synchronizing Timid) but its ok, +Special Attack and – special def, which is fine since poor  Zoroark is frail anyways 😀 imma let him hold the focus sash so he doesn’t die easily ;__;

Ahh I’m so happy, I only encountered him 76 times, and I broke so many chains, I thought I wouldn’t see it, but I did! When I wasn’t expecting too, so that’s the best part 😉 I think now I’m going to make a Shiny team, so right now I have Zorua, Eevee (gonna get dat male tho), Ralts and planning on getting Axew (darn thing keeps running away too!) and possibly Electrike..maybe 🙂 And then I have that free Shiny Metagross from Steven, so yay! A team of Shinies!

Anyways, hoping for more luck! Hope you get your dream Shiny too! ^__^

❤ rin my shiny zorua

Oh them spoilers…

Alright, I’m going to make a quick post that is probably really pointless, but whatever, I’m feeling really bothered right now.

Ok, so from the title you read above, do you ever get that weird feeling when you’re watching a show (whether it’s an Tv show, anime, drama etc) and like, you just don’t want it to end? I mean, there is that saying, “All good things eventually end.” But still…that feeling is just so bad that it makes you go nuts??

So, I’m not going to mention the show I’m watching right now (just in case I get spoilers aha..) but I’m currently in the 2nd season (it already finished its 2nd season and its starting its 3rd- hint hint lol…) and I like to take my time with it. I usually force myself to not watch it everyday, and only watch 2 episodes a week, Normal people would go on a marathon, but for me, I like to savor the moment and keep myself “controlled” by only watching 2 episodes a week.

But by doing this, comes with a price, As you may know I have a tumblr and on my blog, I blog things I like ( duh), and so that temptation to search up that show is immensely increased. And so curiosity killed the cat, I searched it up and yaaaay…I see spoilers! Whoo hoo! -___- I literally almost slammed my laptop down from the one post that I saw…

And let me tell you, I am not happy. well, who is happy when someone spoils their show or whatnot? I know its so stupid, you’re probably thinking, “dude just don’t go on tumblr, or don’t search it up..” I know..why do I even bother? But the temptation is just too much!

Sighs, this post is stupid. I’m sorry. I’m just feeling really upset and…somewhat dissapointed? The post I saw was a scene I didn’t exactly wanted…let’s just put it that way. And so…my love for this show has decreased..slightly I guess? I’m still going to watch it probably…most likely,..yeah I’ll still watch it, but I can’t help but keep thinking of that post in the next season..

Goodness, this is stupid right? Sighs, the things I get myself into. Anyways, I’m just going to end the post right here because its getting really pointless and dumb. I just wanted to kinda rant about it..hope I’m not the only one with these thoughts and all. Or maybe I’m just being overly sensitive..? Yeah..maybe. Anyways till next time. *runs off and balls eyes out*

SHINY POKEMON!! :D

YASS you read  the title correctly, I have just encountered my first Shiny pokemon in ORAS!! Yaaay! and its a SHINY RALTS! WHOOOO I literally was screaming my head off when I saw this cutie, did I mention it was a male?

And no, I’m not evolving him to a Gallade…yeeeup, he’s going to my Male Gardevoir! (ahem, only Pokemon nerds will understand why I named him Wallace 😉 ) I don’t understand why there is so much hate on Male Gardevoirs, can’t they be fabulously beautiful too? I mean, a Female Machamp is alright, I’m not hating. Sure I prefer a male one, but come on, Gardevoirs can be male too! And they rock the dress as much as a female does. Nuff said 🙂

Anyways, I was doing the DexNav chaining, and my goodness, let’s just say it’s so much easier than the one in XY. I couldn’t get the hang of the radar, it was so annoying to me. Sneaking and creeping (lol) around is so much more fun, just my opinion. I was using a synchronized Timid ralts to find my Shiny Ralts. I already knew I wanted a male and for him to be Timid so….Gallade wasn’t even an option for me…BUUUT now that I got my shiny, I may even go for another shiny ralts and make him a Gallade 😀 It’s too perfect, sighs *yaoi fangirling right now*

My first encounter with the shiny ralts was actually really quick! I usually do like 2-3 hours a day of chaining, (props to the people who can do more, I just can’t sand after 3 hours) and it was a female Shiny ralts! I was like crying because it was the first one i saw! But..it was female, but whatever! I wanted to catch her anyways….and then…guess what she did….

SHE FRIGGIN TELEPORTED. *face palm*

This lil beeotch, My goodness, I was so ready to throw my DS. The funny thing is, is that I was just reading up on some pokemon that could teleport or run away…and I was just so oblivious…that ralts didn’t occur in my mind -__- So she got away, but like I said, she was a female and it wasn’t really a total loss.

And so I tried at it again, and this time it took longer 😦 But one night, I wasn’t aware I saw the glorious blue bowl cut and I was screaming hysterically!! And it was a boy! I was so happy, I mean looked it just in case (it was under level 8 anyways but whatever haha) and then caught the cutiepoo with a Great ball 😀

Wallace my shiny ralts

I’m so happy that I got it, actually I caught him a week ago, but posted this now because no internet -.- And I named him Wallace because I love that guy, he’s so fab and beautiful, why not name my new Shiny that? ^_^ I’m just hoping his IVs are decent, I’m not expecting a lot, but I just hope the checker doesn’t go like, “Yuck, he’s a disgrace! He sucks!” ;__; Anyways, now I’m trying to go for a Shiny Eevee..and let’s just say…I’m very close in giving up 😦 Search level is over 300 and still haven’t found the darn thing. Well crossing my fingers for one soon, and hope you will get your dream Shiny as well!! Till next time~!

Edit: Actually today I just got my Shiny Eevee!! It caught my by surprise lol But the only thing is….its a girl 😦 I wanted a boy (yes I am obsessed with male Pokemon lol) I was planning on making it an Umbreon and it will be all blue and pretty and stuff. But its a girl..hm maybe I’ll go at it again 🙂 I have the perfect nickname for him…it would be Kuroko :’) Any KnB fans out there? You know what I’m talkin about. ❤

Kuroko no Basket_Kuroko_5luna my shiny eevee

Yoo~

Hey guys…Happy 2015! OK its been 2015 for a while now, but  I haven’t gotten the chance to post D: I’m sorry.. >.< I haven’t been particularly busy, but just havent gotten around to post stuff and update! aah also it’s because my dad grounded us again (when does he not?) and he took all of our wifi away…yeaaa life is tough on my end….

So, I finally got some access to internet and can update with a few posts! I actually wrote all of my posts beforehand, and so that I could just copy and paste them all at once 😛

Well, see you guys in my next posts!