Warning: Contains swearing…I’m that pissed
What a day it has been. Now I have been having crap loads of crappy days the past week or so, but this one takes the cake. I don’t know if all of my emotions are just bottled up inside of me and then just decided to explode today, but man was today the cherry on top to a fantastic life. I’m being sarcastic if you haven’t noticed.
For starters, I’ve been having MAJOR mood swings lately. I don’t think I’m Bi-polar, but I think I have somewhat med-high mood swings? And no…it’s not the “monthly” thing either…. (though I expected that but clearly it wasn’t it..) I just been getting mad at little, stupid things and they get me sad or pissed off in a matter of seconds. I question myself to why it bothers me, but it just does! I tried to think “rationally” and not blow up, but it laways ends up being the latter, 99.9% of the time.
So…along with the other crappy days before today, mood swings were the biggest culprit. I’m not going to start accusing this person right off the bat, but the main person that keeps bothering me is my sister. I don’t know, the things she does, says, etc, pisses me to the max. Why? I honestly have no idea, but it could be the fact that her life is/appears to “going smoothly” and “lovely” when mine is just rotting in hell. I find myself switching moods in an instance whenever my sister starts randomly talking about her friends (related back to my other post) , her being in a splendid, sunshine mood all of the time (and when she’s not, she treats me like shit..)
And other things include, the job hunt, instagram (what?), people in general, my relatives, my DAD (that’s the bulk of the problem in this ) and much more..
So yeah, the next thing is as mentioned above, my dad is such an annoying asshole. Ever since I was born, I had always had problems with my dad. I do not like him, I do not respect him at all. Before you start lecturing me, let me tell you this….he emotionally abuses all of us. My mom, my sister and me. He acts all big and mighty, but now that I’m grown up, his stupid lectures and random outbursts do not faze me. It just makes me hate him all that more. I’m not going to into the history of him, but rest assured he’s a loose cannon, he puts down people to make him feel better, he argues with no real sense at all and he punishes us for random, unnecessary reasons. And more, believe me.
And so today, we are in a hotel, and I’m done showering, I come out to get my computer and then he storms in and notices some water on the floor. And then he screams, “WHY IS THERE SO MUCH WATER ON THE FLOOR? YOU’RE LETTING THE WATER GET ON THE FLOOR! WE ARE GOING TO GET IN TROUBLE, CLEAN UP THIS MESS NOW!” And then both me and my sister come and honestly I couldn’t see much, it wasnt;t even a puddle. And so I wiped the best I could, and is that good enough for him? Oh no, he comes back with full on attitude.
“ITS ALL YOUR FAULT VICTORIA YOU WERE SHOWERING AND YOU LET ALL OF THE WATER COME THROUGH! YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY FOR ALL OF THE DAMAGES!” blah blah blah
What? Am I the only one showering? No, of course not, my sister also, but does he ever blame her? No. Of course not. My sister is the little “angel” and I’m always the person with a giant target on my face. So anyway, I start to get angry and then he likes to talk over and interrupts me (he does that with everyone, like I said, he likes to act high and mighty) and starts saying it’s my fault and whatever, I took the bullet yet again. I said, “alright , alright, its my fault of course, sure.” and then that doesn’t’ satisfy him, he keeps yelling at me and I’m just ignoring him and wiping the fucking dry floor because if I don’t he’ll flip again.
Anyways, I’m obviously so upset with him, he’s such a disrespectful person. He talks down to my mom and treats her like a useless person, and oh, get this. He doesn’t work. He hasn’t worked for YEARS. My mom is carrying us along with a great job, and she’s 2309834893594594 times more stronger than he;ll ever be, Absolutely no respect for him, never, not even on his death bed. Yeah.
As time goes by, as I’m typing this, my plans with my friend got cancelled, I was supposed to meet her tomorrow, but she tells me she’s sick or whatever (not going to doubt…nope…) Now great…I told my parents already that I’m going (before the fight) and now I can’t go and I’m either stuck with my dad or my dad will end up leaving me and going somewhere… fuck, fantastic right?
And lastly, my sister is literally right beside me and she obviously sees me upset, and she does not console me. Thanks for being a wonderful fucking sister, sis. Anyways, I”m so tired of crying and tired of life in generally…I literally hate my life. I can’t catch a break. ugh…..I’m so scared I’m going to do something rash…if you know what I mean…anyways, till next time…or not..