Another Stupid Reason to Worry…

Hey everyone, I have another posts that’s not about my depression- whaaat, much surprise!
Well, anyways, from the title you can figure out what it will be about. So from my previous posts last year, I attended an Anime convention called Anime North. I will be going this year as well…but I would be cosplaying!

This will be my third time going to this con, but this is the first time I would be legit cosplaying. This thought never occurred to me when I bought my ticket, but just this past month or so, I kept thinking of wanting to cosplay. And so, I’ve bought my fabric, got some random accessories, footwear and even the wig! I’m literally going all out on this cosplay, which sucks because I am only attending one day which I regret miserably.

Now….the problem. Of course, I always have a problem. So, first off, I don’t want to say too much of who I’ll be cosplaying (not like anyone cares), but for the first month when I’ve decided to cosplay, I was so hyped. Like super excited and everything, I would watch vlogs of people going to conventions in there costumes and it would only fuel my motivation and excitement to cosplay. And during that time, I Was watching the show that has the character that I would be dressing up as. And you know me, and if you read some of my other posts, that I like to take my time with the shows that I watch. I’ve finished the first season about a week ago and, here is where part of my problem comes in. I feel because I’ve finished season 1, I’m kinda lacking the motivation to cosplay this character -_-

My, I have too many issues don’t I? And of all of the things to worry about, this for some damn reason is taking the cake. Here is the thing, there is a season 2 thats out, but I’m restricting myself to watch it because if I do, I know for sure I will definitely¬†lose motivation. IN my mind, I rather restrict myself for a few weeks before I begin to watch season 2 and then when the con begins, I would have this “Fresh image/feeling” of the show and character and I will mentally feel better being that character- does that make any sense whatsoever?

It’s been about almost 2 weeks since I Last watched it, and even though I got all my supplies and even ordered my wig…..I have this weird feeling like it won’t turn out good. And that leads to my next point, I’ve been kinda binge watching this YouTuber who cosplays with her group of friends and they all look amazing. She vlogs herself whenever she goes to conventions and they all would do cool photoshoots and everything, so pretty much, I Have this image of how my cosplaying day would be like.

But I’m not her. I tend to compare myself to everyone, and the same things goes with cosplaying (stupid, I know..) But pretty much, I’m just scared that the day would end, and I would feel like it was nothing what was shown in her vlogs. I would like to do a photoshoot but posing on my own is scary..not only that there will be so much anxious feelings, i may even talk myself out of it.

Wow, this problem is just stupid. I’m just worried that I will come back home with a whole bunch of regrets and just post convention depression. It sucks. it’s like I’m hyping it all up for something that would only be a day for me… I guess it’s kinda like going to a concert for some people.

And another point, is I know I shouldn’t care about this, but the character I’m planning to dress up as is in a “popular” show, and I see my character being picked so many times, and it kinda makes me feel unoriginal and not unique..and I Guess not proud to be that character. I know what you’re going to say but everyone has their freedom to be however they want…but maybe it’s all from my copying pet peeve…I dunno…..uugh -.-

Anyways, so up till now, I can feel my motivation dying down. I don’t know what to do, and I know its such a stupid and random problem, but it’s really getting to me. I tried to tell myself, to go and have fun….but I feel something is missing. I missed that hype I had a month ago, and if I still had that, I would be so much happier in my costume, and I would go out proudly with it. But something has changed…I don’t know, a lot has happened lately, and I Just don’t feel as motivated anymore. It’s kinda like my life, I would one day just lose all sort of motivation and just cry because I don’t know what I’m doing with myself anymore.

I should wrap this up, I may update another post about it, but for right now, I am not the slightest bit happy/excited about this cosplay idea…in fact…I kinda feel like I’ll regret it.

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