Sunday Wrap Up at Anime North 2017…

Hello everyone, this is the last day of Anime North. As I’m actually typing this at 2am ( on Sunday, dunno when I’ll post this..) ..I’m exhausted and sunburned, I should be in bed but I got distracted and now I’m typing this because if I don’t, I’m afraid I’ll forget it and not write anything down.

 
So Sunday came along, i was really hoping the weather would not rain…and fortunately, it stayed sunny all day which was amazing. I also took my luggage into my hotel’s storage (for free too!) so that I could enjoy the last day of the convention..baggage free, literally.
I was hoping to get into one of the photoshoots on Sunday and give my Friday character another go (since I was ridiculously depressed af on Friday), but didn’t want to dress up, since I still get major anxiety of people giving me strange looks outside of a con. And so I just did my makeup and wore “half” of my character’s outfit. Good thing about his outfit is pretty “normal”, but I ended up looking super emo and edgy…which..I guess I don’t mind since I like that kind of look haha

 
I checked out of the hotel and headed out. Just as I went out, I saw the damn shuttle bus leave. I was pissed, but then I tried to keep it cool and debated if I Should walk it. Then a girl came over to me and asked if I knew when the bus was coming, and I told her it just left. We were both frustrated and then she decided to call an uber, and asked i I wanted to come along. I agreed and we both got in and got there in less than 10 minutes!

 

We actually had a nice conversation (at least to me it was…) and we talked about childhood weeeb like memories and we actually had a lot in common. She was very nice and in a way, I’m glad we somehow ran into each other. Everything just worked out. We parted ways and honestly, meeting her really lifted my spirits and made me look forward to the day even more. I eventually met up with my friend, who was also with another friend, who was a college classmate of mine too. We all hung out and I wanted to go to the artist alley to buy more crap.

 

So we did, and I felt bad since the 2 guys were just following me around, so I told them we could split and then meet up before the photoshoot. They agreed and I went ahead, and shopped guilt free. Not sure if I mentioned in the Saturday post, but I went to this booth who had a these very nice prints, but they told me the one I wanted was sold out. They told me if I came back on Sunday, I could get it.

 
And so, Sunday, I looked around for that booth, as that was my first priority. Finally found them, and there was a huge crowd already. I waited and then the girl in front of me asked for the print I was looking for. I overheard them say, they were sold out………. my heart just dropped. The girl left and I went up to them and asked if it was really sold out, and they said yes. But then she looked at me, and asked if I was the girl from Saturday. I nodded and then she said she saved a copy for me…. you don’t even know how happy I got. I know..it’s just a print..chill brah

 
I kept saying thank you to her and I paid and asked if she was one of the characters in the series I was cosplaying. She shook her head and I told her she looked like that character…and well, OK I suck at making a conversation, so anyways I thanked them again and left. Went around, tried to find more things…and then and idea popped in my head. I thought of a last minute accessory for my cosplay. And so I hunted down a random black face mask and luckily found a spandexy like black skull mask and I just bought it since… I think it would add a lot to the character. LIke I said, I probably will post pics….later…

 
Met up with my friend, and then I rushed to a washroom to quickly change since the photshoot was in a hour. I changed and with the mask on….I honestly felt…..awesome. (The character has a mask, but he takes it off halfway into the game). Maybe it’s the fact no one can see my face, and I Like the look of this punkish, emo edgy look…it just made me feel confident in that character. So we all went to the photoshoot and at first, I thought I was the only one as that character.

 

BUt…another one showed up, but she was nice and we were discussing what poses we should do together…buuuuuuuut it all failed since…I don’t know, it was just not working out for whatever reason… -_- Overall the photoshoot went well, and since I was a character that was uncommon, it gave me more leeway and more attention, I guess? I know that sounds really conceited, but like I said in the Saturday photoshoot and last year…I tend to pick really popular characters… Anyways, the photoshoot turned out alright, still wished I spoke up and requested a pose..but well, anxiety held me back, what else is new?

 
The day went on, and tons of people asked for my photo. LIke…I don’t even remember how many asked..but since my face was half covered…it was all good..ish. ON my way back, I couldn’t help but face palm because the pose I did…was with the wrong friggin hand..ah..anyways..whatever…

 
After, the day just went on, and my friend’s mom picked us up and drove us back. Overall, I do feel like I regretted saying that I regretted coming to the convention for a whole weekend. I have no idea why I was feeling so emotional and stressed…but I’m just glad the rest of the weekend ended up great. Amazing, even. Yeah…

 
Now I’m stressing over this test I have to do for this studio which…I’m not that fond of….but …we’ll see.. Well that wraps up my random weekend posts of Anime North 2017! I will most likely be doing a post on the stuff I got and my cosplay pics…(assuming it all looks alright..)

 
Until then, see ya…

Saturday of Anime North 2017…Things are getting better..

Hey everyone, the previous post was pathetic right? Well…Day 2 of Anime North…was a lot better, I can tell you that. Of course it wasn’t perfect, there were plenty of awkward and embarrassing moments…but overall, it sure did beat Friday.

So, first off, I didn’t sleep that much. I woke up and really spontaneously wanted to go to a particular panel early that day. I texted my friend to ask if he would like to join. He wasn’t sure, but I tried to stay positive and proceeded my day. I went down to the buffet, since it was free breakfast. And since I didn’t eat dinner last night, I was starving as hell. I nervously went down, and saw a lot of people from the convention we re there eating and talking with their friends. I just slipped in grabbed my food and went to a waiter to ask if I could bring it up. Thankfully I could and I booked out there and into the comfort of my lonely room.. -_- Sounds really depressing when I’m typing this…

I ate, and my stomach started to churn which already, physically I felt like crap. I ignored it and quickly got into my 2nd costume, which is a girl character. ( maybe I’ll post pics…but eehh later…) So I kept watching over the time and thought, I’m not going to get to the panel in time. I got everything in order, and I took a look at myself…and I was pleased. I’m glad everything worked out and looked great (especially the “disaster” of a Friday turned out to be) . I took a deep breath because, anxiety..and then headed out the door.

I stood at the stop where I saw the majority of cosplayers were and just waited. A couple of people complimented my sword and my costume which I shyly said thank you. Some even asked to take photos, which I felt a bit better about the day. I was confident in it. Maybe it was because it was a female character and that I was proud of the sword I made, so doing poses wouldn’t look so stupid.. ahaha…

The bus finally came,and I really hoped to get to the panel in time. Eventually it dropped us off and I fast walked to meet my friend. Then it started to rain which sucked. I met up with him and then headed to the panel. We got there and the panel started. But….

It was not the right panel.

I was so confused, though, it was about writing, which I took a few pointers from .. so technically it wasn’t a total waste of time. But I was still stumped as to why the panel I wanted to go to, didn’t happen. So the panel ended and I double checked to see if we were in the right room, and it was. I was so baffled. I asked a helper and apparently, there was a typo in the guide…and pretty much it was in another room altogether… -__- which was a disappointment honestly.

But, I tried to not let it get me down, we proceeded with the day, a lot of people asked for my photo and complimented my sword and outfit. Things felt…nice for a change. If you read my previous post, I was very unhappy and stressed, but today, for once..I actually forgot about all of my problems (not including my social anxiety…) and I actually felt… happy and relaxed.

I spontaneously went to the photoshoot for the series my character was in and that was where it kinda go a bit awkward and embarrassing..but honestly, I really tried to brush it off. It was like what happened last year, where I felt left out, because there were just too many of one particular character, and everyone’s all paired off…which left me just standing looking stupid… uuugh, anyways…

We left a bit early and we headed to the photoshoot my friend wanted to go to. After we did a little mini crappy photoshoot of our own and then headed back inside to buy stuff. I did try to buy some things, because I didn’t buy anything at all at that point. I bought a print and some keychains and a button. I really want to find more things tomorrow (Sunday, as I’m writing this).

Anyways, the day went on and it was quite tiring. I had to carry a lot of things, including my sword, and even when people stopped to ask for a photo, it was a little straining having to put everything down and straighten everything on my body correctly..and then pose and hope to God that I don’t look derpy.

The evening wrapped up when I really decided to head to a 9pm panel for a webcomic that I really enjoy. MY friend tagged along but I felt bad because it wasn’t his cup of tea, and we kinda sat in the room looking like outcasts. I really did want to stay around, but when my friend wanted to leave…I kinda felt like I should too, because I was tired and I was afraid it would get really dark and I wouldn’t make it to the bus stop…..and so we left. Sighs….

So now I’m typing this, I’m back in my room and overall, like I said it was a good day. Better than Friday at least. Still scared of how I’m going to lug all my luggage back to the con…since I decided to cosplay for the Sunday photoshoot of my 1st character. I know it’s hard to not know who I’m being..but I’ll post pics soon…if things work out…

Anyways, I’m exhausted…I’ll write later……..

First day of Anime North….not a good start….

Hey all, it’s been a while.. of course it is, I always start off like that.. Well, from the title, you can tell what this post is about. I’m actually currently in a hotel right now (by myself may I add) and typing this..because…I feel like everything is falling apart.

Ok, first off, mentally wise I had a pretty rough week. I was struggling to get my 2 cosplays done and trying to juggle my own random projects and hobbies, but also this week was also the week I had a spontaneous family gathering…and you know how much I love those gatherings! (that was sarcasm….) The famliy party really flew me into a downwards spiral- I came back upset and angry, not going to go into details about it, but I dread them all the time and it just made my whole week crappy.

So going back a few days now, my mental health got worse. I felt like I had constant crying sessions because of stupid things. I would get triggered really easily, I would cry and my heart would just race faster and then I panic…it was an endless cycle of constant negativity. Most of the time, I had absolutely no reason why I felt that way. I should be excited that it was less than a week away from this Anime convention…but for some reason, everything felt like it was crashing down on me.

Also, since my life is just all perfectly timed, I got an email the other day saying a studio wanted me to do a test for them…that’s another thing to worry about now because I really hoped that I could just relax and get back to doing my own projects and stuff……

Now, present day of the convention, I had a really bad morning. I slept better, but not enough. I still had lots to prep for the big day, one being that I had to draw a tattoo on my right arm. I’m right-handed so it felt impossible so I asked my sister to help me. She couldn’t get the tattoo on right, which left me panicking. My parents all left for the car because it was time to go, and I had to lug all of my heavy bags by myself to the car and that was when the water works came. I just got so frustrated an cried…. again, but in front of my parents. My dad gave a strange look and eventually we all managed to get it all in the car. But all that just left my mind in a very bad state and I just couldn’t seem to get back up.

So my friend’s mom was supposed to drive us, but then 2 other passengers came in, which made the car ride packed and uncomfortable. we eventually got to my hotel, and by the way, if I didn’t make it clear enough above…I booked a hotel room….by myself. I”m alone. Social anxiety ftw, am I right? (more sarcasm there…) So I struggled my way up to my room and it was finally nice and quiet. At frist it felt good…but then it all went downhill from there.. (At least to me, it went downhill)

I went ahead and started to do my tattoo. It was a friggin struggle but at that point, I really didn’t care, everything kept going wrong…what could be worse? Oh yeah…the rest of the day. So I did a half assed job with the tattoo, I mean, because it was all on my left hand, I should pat myself on the back…but stilll, it’s terrible. I did my makeup decently and got into my costume. Put on my wig, adjusted it a bit…and for a split second, things felt like it was going ok. WRONG.

apparently my friend’s phone’s service was whack, I wasn’t able to contact him properly. So I was trying to constantly text him so that we could be at the con together at the same time (his hotel was like a 10 minute walk, so he was very close. Mine was a 40 min walk..but there a shuttle bus) And speaking of shuttle bus, that’s another big disappointment. I eventually got out of my room and felt myself getting anxious because 1. I’m dressed up as a character (If I feel like it, I MAY put pics…) and 2. Um…social anxiety, duh.

I walked out and noticed a bunch of people also standing there, at first I was glad because I’m not the only one..but then, it dawned to me that there were all in there groups of friends…and then there was me…standing by myself awkwardly. I can’t even tell you how many times I cursed and regretted at this point. The shuttle bus did not even come and I had to wait almost and hour for it. apparently I heard someone was waiting there 1 1/2 hours there…wtf!?! And oh, this weekend called for pretty bad rain showers and thunderstorms, what a cherry on top! After an hour, the bus finally showed up and I got to the con.

Seeing everyone in there cosplays kinda made me feel better…but then the anxiety kicked in again when I had to walk by myself to the registration line. I kept feeling paranoid and anxious that my wig cap was showing, or that my eyeliner was smudging and all sorts of other crap. I kept looking down and not make eye contact with anyone because….anxiety. I don’t know how much I can stress this enough…

I had to ask 3 different people where the place is because I had no glasses and cannot wear contacts so I’m blind. Eventually got to the line and it was a easy pick up. I tried to text my friend again and again, his response took long due to the service. He also said that they had to change rooms because it was the wrong one…so pretty much I was there by myself….alone….stadning in a corner awkwardly. FUCK EVERYTHING. I really wanted to cry and just go back home to be honest. I look around, everyone was having fun with their groups of friends..I sat in the corner, pretending to touch up my makeup.

A passerby did notice me and said, they liked my costume which made me a wee but happier. But other than that…I was a wallflower..waiting for my friend to show up. And he did…like almost and hour later to be honest, and already the day was 3/4 gone. BY the time we met up, it was almost 7pm. Yeah…

And so the day went on, and it was just different to be honest. I don’t know if it was because I had a rough morning, or rough week rather, but everything just felt like shit for me. I wanted to go to the convention excited and happy to wear my cosplay and show my liking to the character…but I could not feel happy. I was not happy at all. Maybe it was all of the high expectations I had… if you read my 2016 Anime north post, you can see I had a mediocre experience… And so I really wanted to redeem myself, if that makes sense.

And so the evening progressed, another person complimented my cosplay and said it was awesome, which I appreciated. Another person actually asked for a friggin photo…which I awkwardly panicked because i Had no idea what to pose. UGH…that memory is stored with other cringy memeories….fml..

With all that’s been happening, I just could not feel good about it at all… And so the day went on, my friend said his friends were ordering pizza and asked if I wanted to come..but then that would mean I had to stay there and get a crappy shuttle bus late at night…. So I said no…and I left. I did not have dinner…I’m not hungry to be honest, despite only eating a big breakfast today…. When I got back, I felt so relieved and tears just poured down. MY makeup was smudged long ago, my face was gross…. I just wanted this all to end.

I know to an outsiders point of view, this may sound utterly ridiculous. I’m sure when I reads this again months later I would feel the same. But I’ve been looking forward to his event ever since last year ended. I wanted to make my experience better…and yet… Friday felt like shit to me. I felt like shit. LIke I said I was not happy. I could not feel happy…and I think it showed. I wasn’t able to do what I wanted to do..which was have fun and talk to others who share the same interests as me. I know … a person with social anxiety with aspirations like that is ironic, huh?

And now I’m here..in my hotel room alone, tired, frustrated and sad. Saturday I’m planning to be my 2nd character…and I do feel a bit more confident since it’s going to be a girl. Friday’s was a crossplay btw… Like I said I may post pics…I don’t know. I’m sure this is all stupid to read and I’m sorry you had to read such a dumb post (if anyone does read this..). I’m going to head to bed now..and hope that the rest of the weekend will get better from here. Because right now…all I’m thinking is that I made the wrong decision and I regret wasting my money….yeah….

My First “Embaressing” Cosplay Experience

Hey everyone, I was way too lazy to post this up (I typed this a week ago tbh) , but anywho a week ago I attended Anime North 2016! From previous posts, you may have noticed that I’ve attended Anime North for the last 2 years, and this year would be my 3rd year. I did something a little different though.
I decided to cosplay.
I’m not sure if I mentioned that in last months posts, but anyways, I decided to cosplay. Before we start with the whole Anime North post, I just want to kinda go in depth with how everything all went down. I was Mikaela ♥ from Owari no Seraph/ Seraph of the End. This post will kinda solely just be how I felt throughout the whole thing. My Anime North haul will be either after this post or before but yeah.

 
So, from my last Anime North 2015 post, I noted saying that I wanted to cosplay. Up until 2 months from now (beginning of April ish), I had a sudden drive to actually cosplay. So I went on Youtube and found a youtuber that really made me want to do it all the more. So she just inspired me even more, I just had to. Seeing her vlogs with her group of friends dressing up as characters from their favourite anime, just made me really happy and excited for Anime North. Mind you, she tends to go to a different con almost twice a month, so she’s got her fair share of chances to dress up and everything.

 

So back to the point, she inspired me a lot more. And so the past 2 months I’ve been doing just that. I felt so excited, especially in April, I was binge watching her vlogs and her tips on cosplay and she just looked like she had so much fun. And I guess, that’s when I started to have this image or idea in my head, that when I cosplay, everything is going to look amazing and cool and just….WOW. And boy did I have high expectations, and boy did it disappoint me.

 
Fast forward a few days ago, my mom and I were finishing up the last bits of my costume (we stayed up to finish until close to 2am the day before the con -_-) and managed to get everything all finished. I did several makeup tests and practiced on putting on a wig throughout the month so I made sure that on the day of, I wouldn’t be surprised and everything would seemingly go smoothly and “According to plan”. I’m a type of person that has high expectations of myself, people and how the day would pan through. Because I Had this mental image of that youtuber having so much fun with her friends…I kinda expected I Would be having a great time too. I know it all sounds so dumb…but really, maybe I was just delusional into thinking everything will run perfectly…sighs..

 
So I dressed up, it was extremely embarrassing at first, I had to commute on the train and all of these “normal” people stared at me and it was just making my anxiety just shoot up. But once I met up with my guy friend, (he was in cosplay too), things were a bit better. I have some pics….(not sure if I’ll take it down tho)

 

We got to the con a little late which was alright I guess, but it was just severely hot. I felt my whole body just dripping with sweat and I was just thinking, how the hell will I manage to survive the whole day?! We went and ate some lunch before we picked up our badge, and as we sat outside to eat I got to look and see everyone all in their costumes as well. I felt much better. I even saw characters that were from the same series as me, which kinda made me feel better but at the same time made me feel like, “omg, there’s more of us from that anime.” yeah, why did it affect me negatively, I dunno I’m stupid like that ok.

 
I think 6 or so people came up to me and asked me for a photo. Which I was just so surprised because I looked I dunno…weird -_-. But they did and I was just a mess but I didn’t turn them down because that’s rude, and I didn’t even practice my poses and whatever, I wasn’t even expecting to be asked for a photo but anyways, it was a nice experience but awkward because I just can’t do posing right…and I Keep thinking I look dumb..

 
So the day went on, the heat got worse and it was just so unbearable we had to keep going back to the room that had decent air con. I forgot to mention there was a group photoshoot from the series that my character was in, and at first I really wanted to go. But then, as soon as the day went on, I felt more and more nervous and I saw a good handful of people cosplaying as MIkaela. I requested to my friend we do a solo photoshoot, and lets say it didn’t go according to plan. There were many factors to it; mainly my physique wasn’t ideal (at least to me) I felt chubby all around and the photos didn’t turn out all that nice in my opinion, and I guess also what I wanted in the shots, my friend couldn’t really replicate it properly so everything for that solo shoot was kinda…..disappointing in a way.

 

But after all of that, we walked to the group photoshoot and I literally felt my anxiety spike up more. The more i Got closer, I saw so many of us from the anime and I was just super anxious and nervous and terrified. Despite all of us are nerds, I was so scared. I almost backed out because I was still not confident in my cosplay (even though it looked decent and I am happy with it), but seeing the others; some looked amazing and it intimidated me to be honest because it was so breathtaking. But my friend pushed me to go, and I thought I would definitely regret if I didn’t go…so I just went and joined the crowd. We kinda went a little late and in a way that’s a good thing because we just went right into the photoshoot.
Everything went well, until 3 incidences came up. With me, I’m the type if even the smallest, insignificant thing happens, my day goes to shit. It will bring my mood down, I would feel crappy for the rest of the day and I would be thinking about it my whole life. Yes, I”m just that hard on myself and I dunno, maybe that’s why I complain and am depressed a lot because like I said in the beginning, I have high expectations on myself and everyone and everything around me. So the shoot went on, and we had this pairing photoshoot, and in the series there is a really popular ship (I totally ship it to the max), and that includes me (Mika) and Yuu. So there were tons of MIkas (I think 9 of us? ) and there was like probably 8 Yuus, and you can already tell….we have 1 too many Mikas.

 

So the pairing started and I at the time didn’t know how many of us Mikas, were there, I just knew there were too many Mikas, I just didn’t know we were off by 1, you know? So I was looking around and hopefully find my Yuu (if you watched the series, this is just totally otp ok). And then I see this guy who was Yuu looking just as confused and I quickly waved my hands to him and he went over to me and we did this pose together. I looked over and some of the pairs were getting into the whole pairing thing (which is fine because like I said, otp) so my partner put 1 arm around me and you know what I did? I wrapped BOTH arms around him so it’s like this weird hug, like 1 arm around the back and the other across the front, does that make sense? In the anime, Mika hugged Yuu like that..so I was in character…but I’m just thinking right now (because I just always overthink things), I was probably way to “clingy” and too straightforward, you know? I’m pretty sure I may have made the guy…uncomfortable which I regret so much..and I’m so embarrassed because…I dunno why I did that… (( Yeah, If that guy so happens to reads this, I dunno how….but I apologize if I weirded you out…? I was just trying to be in character and everything…ugh..I apologize… >___<)) Here was this pose I was picturing in my head…….. Yeah, kinda like that >o< I was the blonde guy btw

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So the host told us to switch poses and said we should do the iconic pose that Mika and Yuu does in the opening credits. I’ll insert a pic here to show you what I mean.

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And so my partner was like, “I don’t want to do that with someone I don’t know.” and I literally was like…OK..I get it, he’s probably just so uncomfortable with me and we just stood there awkwardly because everyone else was doing it and we just stood there…fuck it literally hurts when I’m rethinking of it. I’m not saying I’m pissed he didn’t cooperate, I feel like if I didn’t hug him the way I did, he may have felt more comfortable…I dunno….

 
So after, the host told us to switch and do this other pose, and it involves Yuu stabbing Mika..I know, if you don’t know the series, I’m sure it sounds morbid but, anyways. My partner didn’t have a sword and he kinda went off to the side and said something like he didn’t have a sword and some random person lent him one. He came back, and there was another Mika on the end (not sure if she was there before tho) and he literally turned and did the pose with the other MIka. So pretty much, he ditched me and I stood there like……so awkward and just…walked out of the stage. As soon as those things happened…I wanted to leave. I didn’t know what else to do, I was embarrassed and just….everything wasn’t going well…

 

The last shit thing that happened was pretty much similar to the 2nd one, and it was me being left out. I’m not the initiative type, I don’t just go up to someone and act (even though I hugged the guy, it was out of pure “I-have-to-strike-a-pose-do-something” type of thing and I just acted on that). There was just another pose and we had to do and yeah, I was the odd man out, and I left the stage again. I didn’t hear this clearly, (my mind could have made me form it differently) but I overheard someone say, “Why does that one keep walking out”. And I was just….so done…..I had enough…

 

This may all seem extremely stupid and you’re probably thinking, it’s all for fun why be so serious and worry about such small things…but I’m just like that. I had this expectation that my cosplay experience will go well and that everything would go perfectly fine just like how that Youtuber was with her group of friends. It went nothing like that, I was left…pretty much upset that nothing lived up to my expectations..and the fact I embarrassed myself out there just really was the cherry on top.

 

Yes, overall the con was great…but like I said, even if just 1 little tiny bad thing happens…the day turns upside down. And pretty much, I tried to keep a happy face for my friend, I did tell him about the general part of what happened, but deep down I Was devastated. I was so dissapointed and upset that it came to that. I’m overthinking this all aren’t I, I’m actually tearing up as I’m typing this because the embarrassment hit me dead hard…..Why can’t I just be happy for once…

 

Anyways, this post is just a more in depth of how everything turned out. I don’t regret going to the group photoshoot, I’m glad I had that experience…I just wished I wasn’t so.. clingy and awkward and just….embarrassing… Not sure if this post will go up before my mini Anime NOrth Haul, but yeah…. sighs…didn’t come back 100% happy…but that’s my life…there’s always something bad to think about…

Another Stupid Reason to Worry…

Hey everyone, I have another posts that’s not about my depression- whaaat, much surprise!
Well, anyways, from the title you can figure out what it will be about. So from my previous posts last year, I attended an Anime convention called Anime North. I will be going this year as well…but I would be cosplaying!

This will be my third time going to this con, but this is the first time I would be legit cosplaying. This thought never occurred to me when I bought my ticket, but just this past month or so, I kept thinking of wanting to cosplay. And so, I’ve bought my fabric, got some random accessories, footwear and even the wig! I’m literally going all out on this cosplay, which sucks because I am only attending one day which I regret miserably.

Now….the problem. Of course, I always have a problem. So, first off, I don’t want to say too much of who I’ll be cosplaying (not like anyone cares), but for the first month when I’ve decided to cosplay, I was so hyped. Like super excited and everything, I would watch vlogs of people going to conventions in there costumes and it would only fuel my motivation and excitement to cosplay. And during that time, I Was watching the show that has the character that I would be dressing up as. And you know me, and if you read some of my other posts, that I like to take my time with the shows that I watch. I’ve finished the first season about a week ago and, here is where part of my problem comes in. I feel because I’ve finished season 1, I’m kinda lacking the motivation to cosplay this character -_-

My, I have too many issues don’t I? And of all of the things to worry about, this for some damn reason is taking the cake. Here is the thing, there is a season 2 thats out, but I’m restricting myself to watch it because if I do, I know for sure I will definitely lose motivation. IN my mind, I rather restrict myself for a few weeks before I begin to watch season 2 and then when the con begins, I would have this “Fresh image/feeling” of the show and character and I will mentally feel better being that character- does that make any sense whatsoever?

It’s been about almost 2 weeks since I Last watched it, and even though I got all my supplies and even ordered my wig…..I have this weird feeling like it won’t turn out good. And that leads to my next point, I’ve been kinda binge watching this YouTuber who cosplays with her group of friends and they all look amazing. She vlogs herself whenever she goes to conventions and they all would do cool photoshoots and everything, so pretty much, I Have this image of how my cosplaying day would be like.

But I’m not her. I tend to compare myself to everyone, and the same things goes with cosplaying (stupid, I know..) But pretty much, I’m just scared that the day would end, and I would feel like it was nothing what was shown in her vlogs. I would like to do a photoshoot but posing on my own is scary..not only that there will be so much anxious feelings, i may even talk myself out of it.

Wow, this problem is just stupid. I’m just worried that I will come back home with a whole bunch of regrets and just post convention depression. It sucks. it’s like I’m hyping it all up for something that would only be a day for me… I guess it’s kinda like going to a concert for some people.

And another point, is I know I shouldn’t care about this, but the character I’m planning to dress up as is in a “popular” show, and I see my character being picked so many times, and it kinda makes me feel unoriginal and not unique..and I Guess not proud to be that character. I know what you’re going to say but everyone has their freedom to be however they want…but maybe it’s all from my copying pet peeve…I dunno…..uugh -.-

Anyways, so up till now, I can feel my motivation dying down. I don’t know what to do, and I know its such a stupid and random problem, but it’s really getting to me. I tried to tell myself, to go and have fun….but I feel something is missing. I missed that hype I had a month ago, and if I still had that, I would be so much happier in my costume, and I would go out proudly with it. But something has changed…I don’t know, a lot has happened lately, and I Just don’t feel as motivated anymore. It’s kinda like my life, I would one day just lose all sort of motivation and just cry because I don’t know what I’m doing with myself anymore.

I should wrap this up, I may update another post about it, but for right now, I am not the slightest bit happy/excited about this cosplay idea…in fact…I kinda feel like I’ll regret it.

Anime North 2015 Haul~!

Hello, gonna make a quickie post right now! I am currently at he library cuz you know me, no internet…and also that our house has a viewing, so we can’t go in for a few hours. But 2 days ago (may 23), I went to ANIME NORTH! yaay, from my previous posts I talked about going to AN, and well, I went with my guy friend and his group of friends, which turned out…surprisingly OK. There are times when it was awkward, because I had no idea what to say next and I’m just there..

Anyways, I didn’t cosplay, but I did make little cat ears! I would post a pic but its on my main computer right now (im on my laptop) so maybe I’ll insert after. But yeah, I just wore cat ears, and AN was actually nice. I went last year with my college friends, and so that made me want to go this year too. Maybe it’s because I’m in my nerd/anime phase again right now, so that’s why ahaha.

Seeing everyone dress up made me wish I went and dressed full-out too! I had some ideas of who I wanted to be next year if I do decide to go. I want to dress up as a guy lol Its either, Akashi, Kuroko, Ciel or Alois (all short guys lolz) 😀 But I’m aiming to be either Ciel or Alois, because, why not? Or I could be a female Murasakibara which I saw once! ^_^ I didn’t take a lot of pics, 1, being that I didn’t bring my big camera and 2, it was hard for me to ask people for a picture >.> But it was nice seeing favorite characters come to life! I was actually hoping I’d see a really good Murasakibara cosplay, and I dunno…maybe then ask for a picture and a hug lmaoooo (because Mura is gigantic and huggable) ❤

animenorth2015boughtitems_insta<—-(A pic of everything that I posted on my Instagram!)

But I did buy some merch, not as much as some others, but I bought some. As you can tell it’s mainly KNB stuff hehe Here are the posters, I wanted an official art poster, (in a scroll form) but surprisingly couldn’t find it! So I settled for this..

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and a lovely fanart poster! ^_^

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And I got KNB buttons of course…super cute!

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I got an Zorua plushie! Awww, I love Zorua! I was aiming for Azumarill or Marill plushie (because they are my fave) but couldn’t find them! though I found a derpy looking Marill xD But Zorua is just as cute, and It was the last one the seller said! 🙂

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Lastly I got this suuuuuuper adorable, huggable, squishy cute giant pengiun/duck plushie! My sister says its from an anime? If it is please tell me! I want to know! The label is in Japanese and it’s just so cute! :3 oh wait i just googled it and its a Sumikko Gurashi PLush! 😀

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Well that wraps up my AN haul, wished I bought more, but I was concerned of my money aha D: I had a whole shopping lists, but KNB merch was my main priority! ^_^ anyways see you next time in the middle of writing ANOTHER rant…

My rant about the ending of KnB Season2….

Alright, I told myself that I won’t write this , because 1. I’m like a year behind lol and 2. I’m kinda over it…but not really? But its nagging me in the back of my head, so I was like oooook, I’ll just get it off my chest. ok from the title, you can see what I’ll be ranting about…for those who haven’t seen it yet, spoiler alert! also this is my opinion, so if you got yours, wonderful..this is mine *puts hands on hips sassilly* <- is that even a word?

NOw….let me just tell you…..I HATE HOW IT ENDED. I’ve read some other comments and opinions about the match and most felt the same way, some had their own reasons, but here are mine.

OK, so first off, I spoiled it for my self a looooong time ago, I already knew Murasakibara was going to be in the zone, I just didn’t know when he would. SO, I’m watching the last 2 episodes, and omg there is just too many things that are bothering me about the whole match.

My main concern is the fact that Kagami went into the zone….again?!?!1 Yah, again, now ok, I know that Seirin is the main team to cheer for, blah blah blah…but honestly…Kagami going into the zone again makes it too jarring. Its like, they always need to depend on the zone in order to win. -_- LIke, I know it was that time of the story where the zone was being introduced but even Aomine said that it is harder to get into the zone for the second time…. And Kagami got in like it was a piece of cake. Also it was because of like, friendship or something like that, made him get into, whatever. That was the main reason why I had my jaw drop for the entire match, not because of amazement but because of disapproval. Also, the time limit in Kagami’s zone felt way too long. I know in reality it was probably like under a minute or 2, but I don’t know, and when he was doing his Jam thing (lol), it looked like he got even more boost from the zone and just won like that. Is it just me, or do I hear favouritism?

Second reason is that, why Murasakibara couldn’t jump at the last second? HOnestly, when that happened I literally choked on my spit. Like really…OK, let me just put it all out there, I am a big Murasakibara fan, and when I saw that I seriously couldn’t take it anymore. It’s like, that’s another excuse for Seirin to take home the point. I read some comment saying that there was a really subtle clue that showed Murasakibara’s “weakened” legs (It was the part where Kagami went for a three point but it didn’t go in), it showed Murasakibara kinda grunting (?) and Kuroko looked kinda shocked. I honestly thought KUroko’s reaction was because he knew the shot wouldn’t go in, but anyways that’s besides the point. So yeah, I know Himuro sort of explained it saying that he couldn’t jump because he was jumping around for the entire game, but stil…it just felt too unbelievable..in a bad way of course.

And then third, is the last half of the game, the rest of Yosen seemed irrelevant. It was only Murasakibara and HImuro, and the rest were kinda just there (or not even there..) In the beginning They were all hyping their heights and defense skills, and then the last half Seirin was like, OK, let’s just charge in like no one’s home! No big deal right? -_-

Anyways, other weird stuff some people were saying is how KUroko was able to smack the ball out of Murasakibara’s hands in the end. I kinda thought it was as wee bit jarring but not really, I Mean, Murasakibara was hunched, with his knees bent and torso curled, his arms were not really extended, so in my prediction he temporally became maybe 6″4ish? KUroko is 5″6 (correct me if im wrong) and he jumped and raised his arms up adding to his height maybe close to 6″5 or even higher. I thought that was more believable than Kagami being able to be in the zone the second time. And there’s Kiyoshi, returning from his trauma, and miraculously able to jump in to help Kagami push the ball out of Murasakibara’s grip. I don’t know man, I don’t know…

Now the things is, story/plot wise, it all “makes sense”. Seirin is the main team to root for, so obviously they HAD to win. That’s the only thing that’s making their win understandable. I’m not being butt hurt or anything (maybe a little..but of good reason!), I don’t mind Yosen losing, it’s how they lost, that’s what made me bothered. Because technically speaking, without the zone, Seirin would have lost. Heck they were losing throughout the whole match. I feel like the zone is too easily activated, even Murasakibara got into it as well. (Don’t get me wrong, I love it when he was in zone 😉 and it was nice to know that he like basketball afterall)

Anywho, this rant is forever long, i Just had to get it off my chest. I’m watching the 3rd season now, and I’m anticipating Akashi like theres no tomorrow. That guy freaks me out …in a good way 😉 k till, next time!