I F*cking Hate my Dad

Warning: Contains swearing

I am literally so sick with my dad. I’m in the library again because he of course, took away my internet. No surprise there! Over the 22 years of my life, i get non stop verbal abuse from him. He’s disrespectful to me…my mom, even his own mom! Just last night, he told my mom to tell me to clean the toothpaste stains off from the toilet. Oh yeah, he doesn’t actually confront me about those things, he needs to send a messenger to tell me that. OK, so I did and when I did, he starts whistling this ear splitting tune (If you know me, I have a major pet peeve of whistling, especially coming from my dad) and literally, that triggered so much anger in me. It was like he was taunting and laughing at me while I have to clean the shit off the toilet.

So after I was done, stormed out and I don’t care if he heard, and said, “There? happy?”. My mom was in the kitchen and heard and she was trying to calm me down but whatever. And now look, boom, no internet. My mom says its my attitude and how I handled the situation. Oh ok, I apparently have a attitude problem where my dad can walk out free with no problem?

Just a few days ago it was the Canadian thanksgiving and we were at my Aunts place and we were playing poker. I didn’t know how to play so I was the only player that was inexperienced, and my cousins were teaching me and all and so when the “real play” begins, there was one part of the game I won a good amount. My dad who was also playing was like in such a sarcastic tone, “wow, you really do know how to play, maybe its beginner’s luck!” A few minutes back, he would literally taunt me and insult me saying, “do you know how to play?” “why are you playing if you don;t know how to?” and my personal favourite, when it was just my cousin, me and I think someone else (since everyone folded) my cousin won a huge chunk of chips and then my dad laughed at me saying, “Yeah! Take it from the weak!” No one on the table was laughing and my Aunt was saying to him, “Don’t call your daughter weak!” I don’t remember if he reacted but I don’t give a shit, he said all those things in front of everyone. Goes to show how much a douche he is.

I obviously was upset, I tried to not cry in the table, but I felt my eyes flood with tears but I tried to look away and not look hurt. I don’t want to cause a scene you know. Anyways, there’s that and more from where that came from. I have 0 respect for him, I don’t care what happens to him, he’s been such a slob and greedy person and is constantly getting worse year by year. This year has been the worse, we are in the middle of moving and my mom says he stressed because of it I’m like whatever, there’s no reason for hm to treat us like that.

He drinks so much, every night he would have a few glasses of wine or beer, spends every bit of his money on alcohol, its just disgusting. My mom would tell him no more drinking and then he would just smile with a red face and say, “OK. Sure.” and then pour yet another glasses. Oh and I think I mentioned he’s unemployed for most his life. My mom recently retired and she was the pillar of the family, she earned the money for us to have a home and eat. My dad…well, he wastes and abuses that money for alcohol and his own random stupid tech appliances. Every weekend he would want steak or roast beef (and that shit is expensive) but of course, he wants it, he gets it. So much money goes down the drain because of him. Almost like he’s a black hole or something, ugh I just can’t take it.

I hate how my mom can just stand by him, for all of the things he’s done. Has no respect for both of us, I feel he favours my younger sister a lot as he hardly yells at her. Not that she’s not home she’s definitely not getting that treatment. He’s done so many wrongs to my mom, he would yell at her, accuse her for small mistakes and literally behind the lines calls her dumb, he puts her down and something that I shouldn’t be writing up here…he doesn’t allow my mom to visit her parents. I’m not going to go in detail because its a very personal problem in our family, but he doesn’t let her see them, call them or even mention them. It’s so inhumane, he’s a fucking piece of shit and I hate him so much.

Makes me all the more to get a job and move out. And when I get a stable income I would only help out my mom, provide her with everything and pay no attention to him. I don;t care if he’s in the hospital, I’m not going to waste a second on him.

Anyways, a random rant on him, I just can’t stand him anymore. I don’t ever want a husband that would treat me or my kids like that. My dad is so lucky to have a patient, kind and reasonable woman like my mom and he just takes every advantage possible. My mom being a Christian doesn’t want to divorce because of the vow or something..

And screw the person who said, “A girl’s first love is her father” Fuck that. “A girl wants a husband like her father” Ya, Fuck that too.

Advertisements

[RANT] My fucking shitty day…(like many others)

Warning: Contains swearing…I’m that pissed

What a day it has been. Now I have been having crap loads of crappy days the past week or so, but this one takes the cake. I don’t know if all of my emotions are just bottled up inside of me and then just decided to explode today, but man was today the cherry on top to a fantastic life. I’m being sarcastic if you haven’t noticed.

For starters, I’ve been having MAJOR mood swings lately. I don’t think I’m Bi-polar, but I think I have somewhat med-high mood swings? And no…it’s not the “monthly” thing either…. (though I expected that but clearly it wasn’t it..) I just been getting mad at little, stupid things and they get me sad or pissed off in a matter of seconds. I question myself to why it bothers me, but it just does! I tried to think “rationally” and not blow up, but it laways ends up being the latter, 99.9% of the time.

So…along with the other crappy days before today, mood swings were the biggest culprit. I’m not going to start accusing this person right off the bat, but the main person that keeps bothering me is my sister. I don’t know, the things she does, says, etc, pisses me to the max. Why? I honestly have no idea, but it could be the fact that her life is/appears to “going smoothly” and “lovely” when mine is just rotting in hell. I find myself switching moods in an instance whenever my sister starts randomly talking about her friends (related back to my other post) , her being in a splendid, sunshine mood all of the time (and when she’s not, she treats me like shit..)

And other things include, the job hunt, instagram (what?), people in general, my relatives, my DAD (that’s the bulk of the problem in this ) and much more..

So yeah, the next thing is as mentioned above, my dad is such an annoying asshole. Ever since I was born, I had always had problems with my dad. I do not like him, I do not respect him at all. Before you start lecturing me, let me tell you this….he emotionally abuses all of us. My mom, my sister and me. He acts all big and mighty, but now that I’m grown up, his stupid lectures and random outbursts do not faze me. It just makes me hate him all that more. I’m not going to into the history of him, but rest assured he’s a loose cannon, he puts down people to make him feel better, he argues with no real sense at all and he punishes us for random, unnecessary┬áreasons. And more, believe me.

And so today, we are in a hotel, and I’m done showering, I come out to get my computer and then he storms in and notices some water on the floor. And then he screams, “WHY IS THERE SO MUCH WATER ON THE FLOOR? YOU’RE LETTING THE WATER GET ON THE FLOOR! WE ARE GOING TO GET IN TROUBLE, CLEAN UP THIS MESS NOW!” And then both me and my sister come and honestly I couldn’t see much, it wasnt;t even a puddle. And so I wiped the best I could, and is that good enough for him? Oh no, he comes back with full on attitude.

“ITS ALL YOUR FAULT VICTORIA YOU WERE SHOWERING AND YOU LET ALL OF THE WATER COME THROUGH! YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY FOR ALL OF THE DAMAGES!” blah blah blah

What? Am I the only one showering? No, of course not, my sister also, but does he ever blame her? No. Of course not. My sister is the little “angel” and I’m always the person with a giant target on my face. So anyway, I start to get angry and then he likes to talk over and interrupts me (he does that with everyone, like I said, he likes to act high and mighty) and starts saying it’s my fault and whatever, I took the bullet yet again. I said, “alright , alright, its my fault of course, sure.” and then that doesn’t’ satisfy him, he keeps yelling at me and I’m just ignoring him and wiping the fucking dry floor because if I don’t he’ll flip again.

Anyways, I’m obviously so upset with him, he’s such a disrespectful person. He talks down to my mom and treats her like a useless person, and oh, get this. He doesn’t work. He hasn’t worked for YEARS. My mom is carrying us along with a great job, and she’s 2309834893594594 times more stronger than he;ll ever be, Absolutely no respect for him, never, not even on his death bed. Yeah.

As time goes by, as I’m typing this, my plans with my friend got cancelled, I was supposed to meet her tomorrow, but she tells me she’s sick or whatever (not going to doubt…nope…) Now great…I told my parents already that I’m going (before the fight) and now I can’t go and I’m either stuck with my dad or my dad will end up leaving me and going somewhere… fuck, fantastic right?

And lastly, my sister is literally right beside me and she obviously sees me upset, and she does not console me. Thanks for being a wonderful fucking sister, sis. Anyways, I”m so tired of crying and tired of life in generally…I literally hate my life. I can’t catch a break. ugh…..I’m so scared I’m going to do something rash…if you know what I mean…anyways, till next time…or not..