The decisions I make…always gets me down

Ok, so I posted some stuff below about the smack of things I need to do at the end of August. Remember?…. No, ok whatever. The thing is I have a serious problem in making decisions on my own.  The decisions I make and think about causes me to have major breakdowns and worry sessions.

SO what happened was that a week ago I was suppose to go to the beach with my high school friends (note: the previous post about having to go to that sort of thing…) So for that WHOLE week I spent so much time worrying and wondering if whether or not I should go to the beach with them. Because the thing is…I don’t really mesh well with some of my high school friends. In fact I rather not spend anymore time with them because all they do is make me miserable and feel UGH.  You know what I mean? Some friends are lust..poisonous to yourself…

Basically I have this overwhelming feeling of not knowing what do and just, not happy thoughts. This is happening to me a lot of more frequently nowadays and I just hate it because I wonder, what will I be 5 or 10 years from now? Will I be alone and just sad…I sure hope not. I have some college friends that I really click with. I think it’s because we are in the same program and we have so much in common to talk about.

Rather than my high school friends, I feel like we just have very generic conversations like, “hows life?” or “whats happening with you program?” blah blah see how annoying and repetitive that can be? Not only that, I don’t internet that often and I’m not a facebook freak like some people I know (not mentioning any names here) and I wish I have a better phone to text but my parents put my plan as pay as you go…which is dumb! I can’t even contact them on a daily basis so I feel the connection is getting thinner and thinner and soon…what if they don’t want to hang out with me anymore?

I feel like the only reason I try to hang out with them is that, society now is showing me that you have to be in a group to feel COOL. -__________- Yeah, that’s how I think. I feel like I have to force myself to enjoy my time with them but instead I feel like shit!

Its just annoying because they all seem to have fun all together but with me…I’m like a the 3rd wheel kind of thing. Anyways, I had to rant about it. I feel a tad bit better. I already lied saying I wont because it conflicted with “other plans”. Which is not entirely a lie. I hope things will look better for me- I hope for the best and just hope everything will work out in the future.

Soo much to do!

Hey guys! A quick updated and its summer is ending soon!! NOO SCHOOL ;___; well then again actually a few days ago i was wishing i was in school….but…no…./ok lets get one with the post.

so anyways, summer is almost ending which also means I have a whole smattering of things to do at the end of august! I’m just gonna list the things in order- this is also helpful for me just in case I forget, YIKES

1. – Ottawa trip with family-

2.  outing with college friend

3.  beach outing with other friends

4.  Canadian expedition outing 

5. Aug 24- Fan Expo Canada w/ Zachary Quinto :D- but let me just tell you i purchased the 25th (Sunday) ticket and he wasn’t going on that day  so my mom spent a whole day or 2 trying refund it and get the 24th ones -_________- it was really stressful

5. 3 day camping trip- im on Survivor!…… im not

And then after all that, I have to go back to school to register and get ready D: its really depressing now that I think about it. Hmmm.

Bye! 😀