Ok, so I posted some stuff below about the smack of things I need to do at the end of August. Remember?…. No, ok whatever. The thing is I have a serious problem in making decisions on my own. The decisions I make and think about causes me to have major breakdowns and worry sessions.
SO what happened was that a week ago I was suppose to go to the beach with my high school friends (note: the previous post about having to go to that sort of thing…) So for that WHOLE week I spent so much time worrying and wondering if whether or not I should go to the beach with them. Because the thing is…I don’t really mesh well with some of my high school friends. In fact I rather not spend anymore time with them because all they do is make me miserable and feel UGH. You know what I mean? Some friends are lust..poisonous to yourself…
Basically I have this overwhelming feeling of not knowing what do and just, not happy thoughts. This is happening to me a lot of more frequently nowadays and I just hate it because I wonder, what will I be 5 or 10 years from now? Will I be alone and just sad…I sure hope not. I have some college friends that I really click with. I think it’s because we are in the same program and we have so much in common to talk about.
Rather than my high school friends, I feel like we just have very generic conversations like, “hows life?” or “whats happening with you program?” blah blah see how annoying and repetitive that can be? Not only that, I don’t internet that often and I’m not a facebook freak like some people I know (not mentioning any names here) and I wish I have a better phone to text but my parents put my plan as pay as you go…which is dumb! I can’t even contact them on a daily basis so I feel the connection is getting thinner and thinner and soon…what if they don’t want to hang out with me anymore?
I feel like the only reason I try to hang out with them is that, society now is showing me that you have to be in a group to feel COOL. -__________- Yeah, that’s how I think. I feel like I have to force myself to enjoy my time with them but instead I feel like shit!
Its just annoying because they all seem to have fun all together but with me…I’m like a the 3rd wheel kind of thing. Anyways, I had to rant about it. I feel a tad bit better. I already lied saying I wont because it conflicted with “other plans”. Which is not entirely a lie. I hope things will look better for me- I hope for the best and just hope everything will work out in the future.