Hey all…..so….yeah..I have decided to make a follow up post with the previous one. If you don’t know the whole shebang, pretty much I was bat shit worried about whether or not anyone would wish me a Happy Birthday on Facebook.
What the actual fuck right? I know, I worry about the most tiniest/stupidest things ever……….. welcome to my life.
Oh and there was more (stupid) things that I was dealing with but that’s not really the whole point……
So this is just a follow up post, and I’ll tell you all what happened..
So after I posted the previous post up, I immediately felt extremely anxious. It was almost 12 AM and literally, I kept wondering whether or not anyone would post anything. I watched a comedy just to take my mind off of it, which it kinda helped. And once the movie ended, it was around 2 AM.
I checked facebook…..and only one person posted. Who was one of my main close friends. (btw…it was that friend who I made a post a few months ago…yeah..)
I tried to not let it get me and turned off my phone and went to bed. As everynight…I prayed; the usual about hoping to get a job and…well….for my birthday to be a decent day and that I can handle whatever that comes the next day (my bday).
Next morning..I was extremely anxious. I didn`t sleep at all because I was so worried about the number of wishes I`ll get. See how stupid it is. I opened up Facebook…..
And only 1 other person posted after my friend. So in total, only 2 people have said something.
I felt my heart drop so hard. I felt the tears starting to come down my eyes and literally, I just sobbed into my pillow. It`s almost like, I knew it would happen, but I was delusional to think that there would be more than just 2 people to wish mea happy birthday. So I laid there staring at the screen and just knew that my birthday is not a good day.
I was stayed in my room, until my sister came in and wished me Happy birthday. I could tell she noticed my puffy eyes. I thanked her and she went off. My parents eventually came and wished me a happy birthday and hugged me. As soon as I saw their happy faces, I felt the tears come back again. (YOu`re probabaly thinking I`m absolutly weird and stupid for letting something so small get me down….well…yeah…you`re right… it is pretty stupid. but it gets me..)
I told my mom I wanted to talk to her and she said she can talk with me after they went grocery shopping. From the time she left and came back, no one else has wished me anything. I must`ve had 3 more breakdowns. The feeling of being forgotten and uncared….it`s I guess one of my fears…
My mom came back and we talked and I explained everything. She looked sympathetic but probably thought I was overreacting. I was a crying mess when I Talked with her. She told me that it was ok, and I should look beyond it. Anyways….still felt like shit after, but for some reason it`s almost like I accepted that no one else would say anything. I keep telling myself that I should be grateful to whoever wishes me a happy birthday, even if it`s just 2 people. But it kinda is like a slap in the face because, that just shows my life- I don`t have a lot of friends, and well…..i`m a loser too…..
Another reason the day went to shit, is that normally my Aunts would text me a Happy birthday message. The whole day, I got no text from them.
So the day went on. I felt extremely anxious and unproductive with my day. We eventually went out to eat, (it’s a tradition that birthdays we`d go to the wherever the birthday person wants) and things got a teeny bit better. LIke I said, I think it was because I already accepted the fact that only 2 people would wish me a happy birthday.
Pretty much, day comes to a close and to my surprise, a few Facebook wishes started to trickle in. It was obviously not a whole lot, but I am grateful that some more people wished me.
The next day (today) comes around and apparently, low and behold, my Aunts text me Happy birthday messages. I was literally so surprised, and it kinda made me think, “ok, they may have gotten my sisters and my birthday“ ; mine is Sept 6 and my sis is Feb 7.
So now I just feel super guilty for making a fuss because “they didn’t text me yesterday”
The conclusion of this really stupid post is that…..I should really not jump to conclusions. I know it`s easy to think the worst, but there are other reasons behind it and you don`t really know the full story of the situation. I guess I was so used to thinking so negatively and assume that no one cares about me anymore….. I’m more or less over the whole Facebook thing, (to be honest I was thinking of deleting it soon…) but I’m just trying to not jump to conclusions so easily…..
This year’s birthday was not the best, and I can only imagine next year would probabaly be the same..or even worse. I’m really considering deleting Facebook, it gives me so much anxiety and I don’t want to see any more of my old High school “friends”.
Anyways, this is just another update to the previous post…
Catch you all later……… .
shorinoyoru 